While I sat there mindlessly pondering...

While I sat there mindlessly pondering;
Of no particular subject wondering
I found myself thinking is this really pondering?

If it is mindless then there is no thought
And if no thought then no new dream is wrought
And if all this be so then my wondering pondering is for nought
thus in this thoughtless, mindless trap I was caught.

So I stood up.

Mindless Wonderings

     This is the result of my mind wondering at the supper table while listening to the pointless ramblings of junior theologians. Obviously there was not much being said to produce a meaningful thought in my mind.
     Not to say that my mind is always controlled by the stimuli surrounding it, but sometimes it is relaxing to allow the mind to roam freely when much intelligent thought is not required. This is also not to say that theology does not require intelligent thought. On the contrary, I think that theology requires the highest amount of intelligent thought in order to even think about some of the weighty subjects related to God. It is to say, however, that certain conversations are conversed so frequently that all sides are understood at the onset of the conversation and all there is left to do is let those conversing get what they have to say off their chests.
     It is often pointless; therefore I try not to get too involved. I allow my mind to hear the argument to ensure that nothing has changed, and then resolve to do something a little more relaxing while my mind passively skims the conversation.
     You should try it sometime. It really helps supper time go by a lot more smoothly...

Reading Rambling: Experiencing A Grief Observed

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. THe same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. At other times it feels like being mildly drunk, or concussed. There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in. It is so uninteresting. Yet I want others to be about me. I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me."

These words were penned by the great Christian thinker C.S. Lewis shortly after his wife died. I have read them before but never have they meant so much to me as they do now. Its kind of funny how your life experiences determine your perspective on everything. A week ago I could have read these words and not think a thing about them. I mean sure, theyre compelling enough but everything Lewis writes is compelling. But now as I read these words with eyes freshly baptized in the waters of unspeakable sorrow that awkward, inconvenient lump forms in my throat and the tears wash over my eyes anew.

It amazes me how well Lewis describes grief; even as my eyes glance over the words my self (I almost said body but much more than the physical is involved) is experiencing exactly what he is describing; feelings and sensations that my limited vocabulary and lack of artistic ability would never allow me to put into words. I'm not sure why but I find some sort of comfort knowing that decades ago one of my literary heroes went through the exact same pain that I am going through.

Before I sign off I want to pose a challenge to you right now; something I wish I had been doing for years. Think of someone has been around for so long now you just never expect him to leave. That person that sure you enjoy being around but just not all the time. That person that even though you could talk to him anytime you wanted you know you dont talk to him nearly as often as you should. Now imagine that all of the sudden that person is gone. Not gone as in will be back in an hour or two or even a week or two but gone as in you will never see them on this earth again. You cant call him up, you cant send him a text or catch him online, you cant even send him a letter; he's gone.

There, do you feel that? That feeling that makes you want to rip your heart out? That makes you want to punch something as hard as you can or bury yourself in a pillow and cry untill your eyes are raw? You know what that means? It means that you love that person more than you could ever imagine. It means that you cannot even fathom the pain you would feel if you were to ever wake up to hear that he is no longer living. And it means you should tell him as soon and as often as possible because you could very well wake up tomorrow morning and that person be gone.

I love you Adam and I miss you more than any human words could ever describe. I cant wait to see you again.

New Post

Apparently I pondered the rich glory's of hairiness today, but above even this I apparently see fit to tell other people to call me "Chewwy." My status reads "Wow, my belly's hairy. I encourage everyone to call me "Chewwy" for the next 3 weeks." I find this quite interesting since I have no recollection of writing this. I later realized that this was my brothers doing, and he even had the nerve to log me out of facebook on my computer so he could log into his and comment on it.  

But this incident got me thinking, isn't hair wonderful? It keeps us warm Makes us look intimidating and it was God given, I guess I say all this because I am wondering what our readers think, do you agree? Do you disagree? And why?

Reading Ramblings: The dreadful Goodness of God

   I'm currently reading through C.S. Lewis' Space Trilogy and I just started the second book (Perelandra)
when  a particular scene caught my attention. Lewis (who has actually placed himself in the story) is talking about when he first came in contact with a being from another planet called an eldil. Here is his description of the sensation felt upon meeting this creature;
    "I felt sure that the creature was what we call 'good,' but I wasnt sure whether I liked 'goodness' so much as I had supposed. This is a very terrible experience. As long as what you are afraid of is something evil, you may still hope that the good will come to your rescue. But suppose that you struggle through to the good to find that it also is dreadful? How if food itself turns out to be the very thing you can't eat, and home the very place you can't live, and your very comforter the person who makes you uncomfortable? Then, indeed, there is no rescue possible: the last card had been played" Th narrator then goes on to talk about how in that momment he wanted the one thing he thought he desired to go away
     I went back and read that particular part more than a few times with one thought that seemed to grow progressively larger with each reading; This explains the gulf between God and man.  Most people who believe that God exists also come to the conclusion that He is good; but what do they mean when they say God is good? Usually it means little more than "God is there to give me what I want and to make sure nothing bad ever happens to me". Most people view God as this cosmic grandpa whos only job is to spoil us and look the other way when we act up. But the truth is that God is a dreadfully good God and when people hear that they aren't so sure they like God anymore.
     What do I mean by God is dreadfully good? To say it in Bible talk would be to say that God is a Holy God; He is good on a level that humans could never even dream to attain on our own. He doesn't just act good or sometimes does good, He is the definition of good and everything He does is Good. As a direct result of God being the definition of good, He would most naturally hate anything that is bad. This means, of course, that God hates sin. Not just one sin, not just the sins that we rate worse than others but all sin. And because He hates sin, He cannot allow it to go unpunished. This is what it means to have a dreadfully good God; and when faced with that kind of God most people fight back.
     At this point you may be asking "who in their right mind would fight perfect goodness?" and my answer to you would be read the Gospels. Jesus came as the personification of Goodness. He was God in flesh and as such lived a perfect; completley sinless, the only truly good life that has ever been lived and what did mankind do to Him? Bow before Him? Worship Him? Give Him the honor and glory that is by all rights his? No, they rejected Him, Reviled Him, Hated Him, tortured Him and eventually Killed Him. Man kind came face to face with all of God's goodnes dewlling in flesh and because of the wretchedness of their hearts, they tried to stomp it out. Christs perfection showed them by contrast their imperfection, and they did not like what they saw. Try as they might they could find no fault in Him and this only made them hate Him worse. Had He been like them; had He been capable of telling a white lie every once in awhile or maybe snubbing the poor then they would have been ok with Him. But because He was constantly and consistently perfect and without flaw they hated Him and eventually they killed Him. But there was one thing they didnt count on; Thats exactly why He came.
      Jesus' death was the only solution to our sin problem. He presented Himself as a perfect sacrifice before God so that mankind would be reconciled to Him. He died, taking upon Himself the sins of the world and suffering the Holy wrath of God so that we could be free and made a new creation in Him. And a wonderful thing happens when one submits to this truth and commit himself to God the Father through the shed blood of His Son Jesus Christ, his eyes are opened and he realizes that the dreadful Goodness of God is exactly what he needs.

Thus the silence ends...

       Hello to anyone who may have stumbled upon this blog accidentally and is wondering why there are only two posts. Do we at the napkin not have anything important to say? Do we chose to remain silent about all the important issues and problems going on in our world today? Are the napkin bloggers really that egotistical and disconnected to the problems around them that we have absolutely nothing relevant to say to you, our accidental readers?
       The answer is not a simple yes or no mostly because I do not really no the answer myself. In fact I myself could only know one thirds of the answer at best because I am only one of the three writers for the napkin blog so I can only tell you the reasons why I have thus far remained silent (Yes, I did all of that math in my head). And  since I do not fully understand the reasons why I have been silent (after all, does anyone ever fully understand their own motives?) I cant even give you a full one thirds of an answer and is less than one thirds of an answer really much of an answer at all?
      All of that to say I have absolutely no answer as to why the napkin has been silent but only a promise that we will do our very best to solve this problem. I will take upon myself to make sure that the napkin will be updated at least weekly by one of us. Even if it means taking the time to write a three paragraphed article, blog, post whatever it is (as you can see I am slightly new at this) all about how we haven't been putting up any blogs. So if you want to hear from us weekly just keep checking in and hopefully future posts will be more entertaining then the one you are currently reading.

The Napkin Unfolds

Oh I remember those days long ago
When the three of us would gather around
To see where the river of our thoughts would flow
To see if any answers could be found.

Hours we spent, as the seasons would change
And our friends one by one fell away
Pursuing each thought no matter how strange
Nor how far all of our dreams dared to stray

Oh, how those days brought our hearts such mirth
Days we refused to let die
Thus our musings have now given birth
To the creation that now meets your eye

So read on, dear friends to your hearts delight
Explore our musings, both new and old
Just know as these words are meeting your sight
You are watching the Napkin unfold